Something beautiful and amazing has happened to me and I couldn’t be more grateful or excited but I feel like I’m slowly loosing everyone around me, including the people who I thought I was closest to.
I’ve changed my entire life for the next chapter in my life but I can’t help but feel like I’ve lost who I was and everything about myself, I can’t even be happy like I used to, I just always have something in the back of my head stopping me and now I’m too scared to do anything or to talk to anyone because I’m supposed to be strong, everyone thinks I’m okay but I can’t stop stressing and crying and over thinking and just always looking at the cup as half empty now..
I should be happy
I should be excited
But it’s hard when I’ve lost who I was and everyone who I used to have..
I just want to do everything I can’t do and I know it’s wrong..
Sometimes I don’t feel ready, I don’t feel like this should have happened to me, but I know I can’t give up but I just can’t talk to anyone about anything so I just feel so alone all the time and it’s so hard because I pretty much put myself into this bubble and now I’m too scared to leave..
I just wish someone could see through everything and actually sit me down and listen to me have a cry because I’m too afraid to reach out anymore, I just want to talk to someone about what’s going on without judgement or anything but everyone who knows my life will judge me or just give me sympathy which I don’t need, I need help.. :’(
I promise baby, I’m going to bring you up with everything I have possible and all the love in the world, mummy’s just going through a hard time but I promise I’ll make it through and always be strong for you, I love you and I know you’re not here yet but you’re already the most important part of my life.